oh well.

geez i dont even know if anyone is reading this blog anymore. i have both wordpress’s and blogspot’s to dedicate to. tiring lahh. hahah. but i guess it is kind of clear that the wordpress one is being neglected real badly.. but i wont delete this blog. this one contains a lot of mmrs. too much that i cant bear too close it down. when i feel really sad or sth, i do come to this blog to write things out. this blog is like my confidante unlike the blogspot one because i dont have the feel. hahah. so i wont close it down as yet. ^^ oh wait,

I DON’T THINK I EVER WILL CLOSE THIS DOWN. =)

what it means to me.

HI GUYS, I GUESS I HAVEN’T BLOGGED MUCH THESE FEW DAYS. WAS PREOCCUPIED WITH SCHOOL AND STUFFS, YEAH SO, NO BLOG ENTREES. HAH.

BUT ANYWAY, I AM HERE TO WRITE ABOUT SOMETHING ALL PEOPLE OF MY AGE WOULD THINK ABOUT; THAT’S RIGHT-O LEVELS. I WONDER WHAT IT MEANS, SOMETIMES. THIS TERM HAS GENERATED DIFFERENT FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS FOR IT. TO SOME, IT MIGHT BE JUST A PIECE OF PAPER WITH GRADES ON IT. TO SOME, IT IS A KEY TO DIFFERENT DOORS. THEN AGAIN, WHAT DOORS THAT OPEN DEPEND ON OUR GRADES. THEN, SOME MIGHT BET ON THE FACT THAT THEY CAN COME AND RETAKE THE PAPER AS A PRIVATE CANDIDATE OR A REPEAT STUDENT. SOME FEEL THAT IT ISN’T IMPORTANT AND PREPARE THEMSELVES TO FAIL IT ALL, AND THEN PROCEED TO SOME INSTITUTION THAT ACCEPTS THEM. IT IS AN EXAMINATION EVERYONE TAKES SO LONG AS HE OR SHE IS IN NORMAL ACADEMIC OR EXPRESS STREAM. AND IT IS AN EXAMINATION MOST FEAR, BECAUSE IT DETERMINES OUR FUTURE TO A CERTAIN EXTENT, UNLESS YOU HAVE RICHASS PARENTS WHO CAN PASS ON THEIR JOBS TO YOU, THEN YOU WON’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ANYTHING BECAUSE YOU WOULD STILL BE RICH ANYWAY..

BUT I DO NOT THINK IT IS THE CASE FOR MOST OF US. THINK ABOUT IT, HOW MANY OF OUR PARENTS HAD TO LITERALLY ‘DIG’ THE $300++ OUT FOR THE  O LEVEL FEES? I’LL BE FRANK WITH YOU, MY MUM HAD TO SET ASIDE MONEY FOR 2 MONTHS TO GET ME THAT AMOUNT. SAD ISN’T IT? AND YET, WHAT WE JUVENILES CONTINUE TO DO IS DISAPPOINT OUR PARENTS AND CONTINUE TO ‘SLACK’- AS WE NAME IT SINCE IT IS ALL SO COMMON IN OUR OWN SCHOOL. THEN WE START TO THINK WHEN O LEVELS DRAW NEARER: ‘ WHY ARE WE SLACKING WHEN WE ARE SUPPOSED TO STUDY FOR THIS MAJOR EXAM?’ AND MOST WOULD JUST PUSH THE BLAME ONTO SOMEONE ELSE- TEACHERS AND FRIENDS. EVERYONE WILL START SAYING THINGS LIKE ” HE KEEPS ON TALKING THAT’S WHY I CANT FOCUS!” OR CRITICISE AND SAY ” THAT STUPID TEACHER NEVER TEACH ME THIS, NEVER TEACH ME THAT”

BUT IN FACT, IT ALL HAS GOT TO DO WITH OURSELVES ISN’T IT?ALL WE DO IS PROCRASTINATE, AND BLAME SOMEONE ELSE FOR OUR DOWNFALL. I THINK IT IS TIME WE STOPPED COMPLETELY.

WE THINK ABOUT OUR FUTURE, WHAT WE’RE GONNA WORK AS AND STUFF. BUT YET IT SEEMS SO DISTANT, BECAUSE WE ARE ‘MERELY TEENS’ AND TEENS DO NOTHING BUT PLAY AND PARTY LIKE THERE’S NO TOMORROW. WHO WANTS TO BE CONCERNED WITH ANYTHING THAT HAS GOT TO DO WITH ADULTHOOD RIGHT? ADULTS ARE BORING PEOPLE THAT WORK ALL DAY AND SLEEP ALL NIGHT. SO IT IS ONLY NATURAL THAT WE DO NOT CONCERN OURSELVES WITH WHAT OUR FUTURE MIGHT BE BECAUSE WE ARE TEENAGERS TRYING HARD TO REMAIN KIDS, AND STRIVING TO NOT BE AN ADULT. BUT IT ALL COMES AS TIME GOES BY. WHO KNOWS A FEW YEARS LATER YOU WOULD SEE YOUR FRIEND WORKING AT SOME RESTAURANT WHILE YOU ARE STILL STUDYING- IN UNIVERSITY, OR PERHAPS POLYTECHNIC IF YOU DECIDE TO DO NS FIRST. =) IT IS ALL COMING TO AN END, AND ALL THAT IS LEFT IS ONLY MEMORIES OF OUR FOLLY AND ACHIEVEMENTS DURING OUR SECONDARY SCHOOL TIMES. WE WILL SLOWLY BE EXPOSED TO THE LIFE OF THE REAL WORLD, AND WE WILL NO LONGER BE THE NONCHALANT, NAIVE AND UNSCATHED BASTARDS WE WERE. WE WILL BECOME BORING ADULTS.

HAHAH. PEEPS! THIS ESSAY IS DEDICATED TO YOU GUYS, ESPECIALLY SEC 4S. BUT EVEN IF YOU AREN’T A SEC 4, I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW YOUR VIEWS ON WHAT O LEVELS MEANS/MEANT TO YOU. AND HOW IT AFFECTED YOUR LIFE. DO DROP A COMMENT KAY? PLEASE PLEASE. OR YOU CAN TAG ME AT MY SECOND BLOG. HAHA. IT WILL BE MOST APPRECIATED. ><

ZZZZZZZ

I AM JUST SO VERY TIRED! AND THE WEATHER HAS BEEN WEIRD! ARGHHH. AND CHINESE O LVLS ARE COMING CLOSER N CLOSER!!! DO I WANT TO RE-TAKE THIS? I REALLY WANT A B3!!! HELP HELP.. TOMORROW’S A DAY TO GET SLAUGHTERED. I HAVE QUIZ TMR. AND NTH GOES IN. SHIT. AND I AM SO DAMN NOT IN THE MOOD TO BLOG! AHHHHHH. I GUESS IVE GOT NOTHING MORE TO SAY. BYE2~

DONT WANNA LOSE YOU NOW.

oops forgot to update blog. i mean wordpress one. its kinda difficult to manage 2 blogs at the same time lahh. so yeah, i guess my posts will be shorter from now on? yeahh. i still feel like i belong more to wordpress’s blog tho. more ‘feel’ to write. haha.

just yesterday, xianxiong, me and xingyuan were talking about how life will be for us in the future. we talked about what we’ll be doing and what paths we wanna take.we made things simple by asking each other ” what you wanna do after you graduate?” xingyuan said he wants to complete O levels, then perhaps go into NS, or maybe continue his studies in POLY. and then he’s gonna get himself a  car license and drive. and he wld love it if he could become a pilot but too bad he cant because the academic requirement is kinda high for him.

xianxiong said he wanted to complete O levels too, then go into POLY. after that he’ll go into NS then come out and work and support his family. he doesn’t want to go into university.

and when it came to my turn, i said ” i wanna get good O level results, then go into the course i want. maybe i’ll want to study in a university, especially if i can make it to that level. and then i’ll get a job with a good pay, and i’ll work. i’d like to have a BMW for myself, jaguar if possible.

after we finished discussing these, xianxiong then said ” we are all going in our separate ways.” actually he meant it like we have to walk in different directions because it was late and we gotta go home. but my heart skipped a beat when he said that. something really precious came to mind. and then it dawned on me.

NOTHING’S GONNA LAST LIKE IT IS NOW, RIGHT? THE ONLY THING I HOLD SO CLOSE TO ME BESIDES FAMILY, SO IMPORTANT IN PERHAPS EVERYONE’S LIFE- FRIENDS.

and then many thoughts raced in my head. i felt myself crumble within. i really could not imagine me without them. life without friends is words unheard; a picture thats supposed to be with colours in black and white; spaghetti without sauce; life without meaning; a day without the sun.

IT WILL JUST BE SO EMPTY.

i really dont want this to happen. we talked about our lives in probably 5 years down the road. lets not talk about 5 years… one year can already make a huge difference. i really, really, cant imagine life all alone. it’s just, inhuman! T^T

and i asked them, after my 2 minutes of pondering. ” hey, do you think we’ll sit together and chat happily like we are now, over a cup of coffee, or perhaps some other beverages, like say 5 years down the road?”

THERE WAS SILENCE.

“we’ll all be grown up, and busy with our own things by then, wont we?” i muttered.

xingyuan said ” yeah, we will. but it will be at a pub.”

xianxiong agreed.

AND I HEAVED A SIGH OF RELIEF. AT LEAST HE SAID THAT. EVEN IF IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN, IM GLAD HE SAID IT. I REALLY AM.

IM GETTING ALL SENTIMENTAL OVER THIS. CRAPP. BUT WHAT I REALLY WANT TO SAY IS, YOU ARE ONLY YOUR AGE ONCE. AND SOME THINGS MAY ONLY HAPPEN ONCE. MEMORIES AREN’T ALWAYS REMEMBERED BY ALL. HOLD CLOSE TO YOU WHAT IS IMPORTANT, MY READERS. BECAUSE YOU MIGHT JUST MISS THE CHANCE AT THE TURNING POINT OF OUR LIVES, WHEN WE ALL LEAVE SECONDARY SCHOOL, AND HEAD INTO A NEW WORLD.

>> angie;; friday;; 7.55pm

THIS IS OFFICIAL.

I GOT MYSELF A NEW BLOG. CHECK IT OUT. LOL. CAN TAG DE WOR. XDXD PERHAPS I’LL SELDOM VISIT THIS BLOG LE BAH, LOL. WE’LL SEE HOW IT GOES. I LOVE THIS BLOG COS ALL MMRS ARE HERE. T^T. OUH WELL. DO CHCK MY NEW BLOG OUT K? HAHA.

http://www.tombstonesofguilt.blogspot.com

>>ANGIEE; TUESDAY; 6.14 PM.

saturGAY!

HOHOHO! GOT LOTS TO BLOGGGGGG.. XDXD. SOMEONE SAID MY BLOG DE FONT VERY SMALL, SO IM MAKING AN EFFORT TO MAKE IT BIG.BIG.BIG.BIG.. SORRY AH, NO FONT SIZE, CANT ENLARGE.~ =.= ANYWAY, WENT CINELEISURE YESTERDAY(with zhixiang, xianxiong, douglas, jingren) AND WE WENT TO PLAY POOL AFTER WE BOUGHT MOVIE TICKETS.. LOL.

THE MOVIE WAS CALLED ‘DOOMSDAY’, AND THE PURPOSE OF GOING OUT WAS ACTUALLY TO CELEBRATE XIONG’S BDAY. MY POINT IS, XIONG’S BDAY = DOOMSDAY? HAIYO, WHAT A MOVIE TO WATCH ON A DAY WE CELEBRATE SOMEONE’S BDAY. LOL. NEVERMIND. HAHA.

SO SO, WE POOLED. XD AND THEN I TOOK PICS, XD.. XIANG TOOK A PIC OF ME TOO. LOL!

(ABOVE; ZHIXIANG SHOOTING BALLS. O.o;;)

(ABOVE; LEFT- DOUGLAS, WHAT A HIGH ANGLE MAN. LOL… RIGHT- ME!!! LOL.)

OUT OF SIX MATCHES I WAS IN THREE OF THEM, AND I WON TWO. MUAHAHAHA~ I LOST TO XIANXIONG BECOS I MISSED CUE. LOL WTF. =.=;; I WAS SO CLOSE! T^T

LOL AFTER THAT WE WENT TO EAT. JAPANESE FOOD. LOL. MINE COST ME $7.80. AND I PROMISED I WLD NOT USE MUCH. LOL O.o BUT I DIN EXPECT THAT WE WLD WATCH MOVIES MAHH.. SO.. YAH. LOL. HERE’S MY BENTO; TERRIYAKI!!

IT LOOKS YUMMY RIGHT? BUT IT SERIOUSLY ISNT. LOL. TOO SALTY LER.. ONLY THE SOUP WAS NICE, THO.

HOHOHO, AFTER THAT I WENT TO BUY XIANXIONG A SLICE OF CAKE THAT COST ME $X.XX =.= LOL. NO ONE PAID ME THO THEY SAID WANNA SHARE.. LOL NEVERMIND, IM RICHASS FOR YESTERDAY. LOL. THE CAKE WAS CALLED CHOCOLATE ROYALE. HIGH CLASS HOR? HEEHEE. THEN WENT OUT TO LOOK AT PRETTY GIRLS. IT WASNT MY IDEA, IT WAS THEM. XD. I SWEAR I DIN SEE ANY THO. ALL WERE PLAINLY AH-LIANS, AND SO I CALL THEM ALIENS. XD. THE GUYS WERE TURNED ON THO. POOR THING. HAHAHAH. I CLDNT STAND LOOKING AT THEM, SO I LOOKED AT WHAT I CLD TURN MY EYES TO, YES, I LOOKED AT THE FOUR GUYS. LOL! (HEY, IT’S ONLY NATURAL, ALRYTE? LOLS! AS IF. O.o;;) AND THEN I TOOK PHOTOS OF THEM. WHOOOO!

INTODUCING XIANXIONG THE BIRTHDAY BOY, WITH THE CAKE I GAVE HIM IN THE BOX. LOL. CAM-SHY?

THAT’S JINGREN ON THE LEFT AND DOUGLAS ON THE RIGHT. CANDID SHOT HAHAHA.

YEPP, THAT’S ZHIXIANG. DUNNO LOOKING AT WHAT, LOL I JUST KEEP SNAPPING AWAY HAPPILY WITH MY CAM!!( ACTUYALLY IT’S DOUG’S CYBERSHOT HP LAHH. LOL) SOME HOW I CAUGHT THEIR ATTENTION AND THEY POST! YAY FINALLY I GET TO TAKE QUALITY SHOTS. WHOOOOO~

NICE SEATING. HAHAHA BUT AT THAT TIME GOT BIRDS FLY ARND, AND THEY WERE CONCERNED SO THEY DIN LOOK AT ME- OR RATHER THE CAM. HAAAAA. ‘ OII LOOK HERE CAN???’

I SO DAMN LOVE THIS SHOT! EXCEPT FOR THAT EXTRA RIGHT BEHIND. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICER IF NOT FOT THAT EXTRA. ZZZ.

HAHAHA I KNOW ALL KINDA LOOK THE SAME BUT THERE IS A DIFF IN LIGHTING, EXPRESSION ETC OKAY? LOL! IM GOOD PHOTOGRAPHER MUAHAHAHAH (CHEYY PRAISE MYSELF NIA. LOL. BUT I AM RIGHT? XDXD)

OKAY, AT THIS POINT OF TIME I THINK ALL OF U MIGHT BE WONDERING WHERE I AM.. HOW COME I DONT APPEAR IN THE PHOTOS. WELL, I FIND IT ABIT WEIRD COS I WAS THE ONLY GIRL.. LOL. JUST DONT FIT IN LAH, I DONT LIKE NOT FITTING IN IN TERMS OF CLOTHING AND GENDER. LOL. I EDITED ONE OF THE PHOTOS, COS I SIMPLEEEE LOVE THEM TOO MUCH. LOLS. I MAKE THEM MORE SHUAI. XDXD.

OKAY IF U THINK IT AINT NICE THEN DONT COMMENT LOL. HAHAHA. ROCKERS!!! WEEE. ALL OF THEM ARE STONERS. LOL I GUESS ONLY THE INTELLECTUAL ONES GET IT. WENT BACK INTO CINE SOON AFTER COS STARTED TO FEEL WARM. LOL.

UP UP AND AWAY!( to revoltage.) WEEEHOOO.

@ REVOLTAGE…

ACTUALLY I WANNA CAM-WHORE A BIT ONE.. PPL LOOK AT ME I PAISEH. LOL. ONLY MANAGED TO TAKE THIS, WHICH IS POINTLESS COS NV SEE FACE. =.= SO LAME. XDXD.
DOUG CAME OVER AND SAID ” EH ANGIE I KNOW HOW U CAN APPEAR IN THE PHOTO! TAKE MIRROR REFLECTION LAH! COME COME” AND EVERYONE GATHERED. LOL! UNEXPECTED ATTENTION.

YES THIS ONE IS ALSO POINTLESS COS XIANG TAKE UNTIL VERY BLUR T^T. I CONCLUDED IM NOT FATED TO TAKE PICS WIF THEM. SADDED. LOL! BUT IM A PHOTOGRAPHER!~ NEVERMIND!!! *SNIFF SNIFF SOB SOB*

GIVE ME A POSE MAN! LOL I GOT TWO MODELS HERE POSING FOR ME. MUAHAHAH..

AND THEN WENT TO 5TH LEVEL TO CHILL COS TAKE TOO MUCH PICS. XDXD TIRED ONE OKAY?!

HAHAH, BUT I STILL CONTINUE TAKING THEIR EXHAUSTED EXPRESSIONS. LOL. APPARENTLY ONLY ZHIXIANG LET ME ENTERTAIN HIM AFTER THAT.. SO I ENTERTAIN. HAHAHAHAHA.

HE’S GOING WTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTF??? LOL WTF. XD! HE STARTED TO DO WEIRD STUNTS, AND CALL ME TAKE HIS OUT-OF-ORDINARY POSES. HAII, PHOTOGRAPHER NO CHOICE HAVE TO OBLIGE.

THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A KISS, BUT THE ANGLE ABIT WRONG. SRRY NAH, GOT PPL LEH I DONT WANT PPL TO THINK IM CRAZY THO U R THE ONE WHO IS DOING THIS. LOL.

HIP HIP HURRAY TO ZHIXIANG HU VOLUNTEERED TO BE THE WEIRDEST-OF-THE-DAY. HEEE.

OKAY SERIOUSLY NO MORE PHOTOS ALRD. HAHA. WENT TO WATCH SHOW AFT TT. I STEP IN FEW MINS ONLY MUM CALL ME GO HOSPITAL VISIT MY GRAND AUNT WHO CANNOT MAKE IT LER.. ZZZ MY $10.. NO REFUNDS?? T^T DARN MUM, SCAM ME, SAY WANNA GIMME BACK THE MONY BUT NV.. SADDED. T^T ARGHH MY GRANDAUNT! WHY DID THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN? HAIISH, I KEEP WATCHING ALL MY RELATIVES WHO SMOKE GET CANCER AND DIE. SAD SAD.. I SHANT ELABORATE MORE COS IT WAS SPPOSED TO BE HAPPY OCCASION. HAPPY BIRTHDAY XIONG!!!! HAHAH. TODAY THEN HIS BDAY, YESTERDAY WASNT. HEE. HOPE U DO WELL FOR EXAMS YEAH? ^^  all the best!

I GOTTA GO ALRD. BBYES! BE BACK SOON!

>>ANGIE; SUNDAY; 4.01 PM.

PRACTICAL-LY.

hello folks.. once again i’ve come to blog. guess why? haha, i’ll tell u, cos im boredddd =p. today was practical paper- on science that is.  after we finished, we had to wait in a room untill all the other shifts were done. omg~ waited and waited. and finally it was over. yippeee. XD it was kinda FUN in the holding room tho. know y? haha, cos my classmate freaked out over a penknife i borrowed from her to carve lines on the table. i was also freaked out.(like wad the hell i do =.= i only cut lines..) hahah. then evryone else decided to get hold of the penknife, and try to turn it rusty by adding water? LOL, as if any piece of metal would go rusty in a few seconds. hahahz, all of them cute lah, make me laugh till peng~ XDXD i still dont understand why my fren was so anxious over the penknife tho. seems like she cant bear to part with it. POOR THING.

and then joseph got hit twice cos evryone suspected that it was him that threw the piece of crushed paper. i was beside him and i witnessed it all happen. O.o awww he was innocent. hahah. thats wad he gets for being the ‘disturbance of peace and harmony’ guy anyway. LOLS.

the bad stuff that happened? well, some inconsiderate people like to think that they’re the most senior and they throw their weight around, thinking that thy cld make the sec 4s feel inferior? hahah, too bad tho, i dont think express students think this way, we have much more better things to do than to bother ourselves with you~ BLEAH!

a day in school without my hp was miserable. cant listen to songs. sian de lo~ hahah. but its all over now, and im back home now with my beloved hp. hee.

i realised i havent talked about my science practical. LOL.
i think i knew wad the paper was talking about most of the time, but then again i errm, kinda did not understand chemistry. ZZZ. and i made a stupid mistake by writing the element chlorine as chloride. wad the hell man. curses. arghh.
hahah. anyway, was fun lahh, today. haha.

will update when i have the time. toodles~ ^^

>>angie; thursday; 5.27 pm.

a nice day to start the week~

had a LONG day today, school ended @ 4.30++ because i had extra lesson for math. did revision on vectors and im clueless to how it goes by. i totally everything about it. OMG~ yes i know im screwed. anyway, the math teachers decided to group the math students into the A’s group and the P’s group for the subsequent remedials, according to our STANDARD OF MATH. ( A=A1/2. P= passes) make a guess, and guess which one i got into. A or P? hahah, this is so gonna surprise you. i got into A’s group. LOL~ teacher said that i was a potential A1 student. wow. it lifted my spirits up high high into the sky. .HAHA. i was so~ shocked? but at the same time i was exhilarated, and delighted to know that at least my teacher believes in ME. i will work hard, i promise. i also want an A1!!! hahah.

anyway, went to the BASKETBALL COURT TODAY, after arnd 2 months of abstinence? hahaha. i kinda MISSED XINGYUAN AND COMPANY, COME TO THINK OF IT. LOL. I MISS BASKETBALL EVEN MORE && i thought i had lost touch because, in basketball u can’t NOT continue playing or your stamina and muscles will FLY AWAY.. AND YES THEY DID T^T!!!!! ARHH.. but fortunately i managed to get the ball in the net almost everytime, like 6 out of 10? (its a lot okay…) it was much better than anticipated, so im really happy. ^^

haha. saw zhixiang today after ages of not seeing him LOLS.. he wore that new polo Tee he bought. haha. and his crumpler kinda BIG for him. scary. haha. and his hair din spike much. but still, he’s shuai~ LOL. (im not insulting, just commenting in a nice, non-offensive way in case u happen to read this.)

all in all, today was really nice because good things happened, tho siblings drove me mad not long ago~ but, i guess it was still a pleasant day for me.
heee.. especially the ‘reunion i had with my basketball peeps’ and my teacher’s opinion of my MATHEMATICS.

i shall end this post with a picture of a guy’s arm, slashed with a penknife repeatedly.. OMG!

AND HE SAID HE DID IT ‘FOR FUN’ MY OH MY, KIDS NOWADAYS.. EEEK! ANY COMMENTS ON THIS, MY READERS? OH SHYT, ORAL IS TMR, I GOTTA GO NOW. BYEE!

>>angiee; 11.33 pm; MONDAY.

19.o4.2oo8 outing~

hellos~ went out with yingying yesterday, to celebrate her belated birthday. hahhah. took lots of pictures.. haha. and i bought her a slice of cake.. LOL. we went to jurong entertainment centre, cos orchard is too boring already. hahah. walk walkED, took NEOprints, pizza hutED, headed to IMM. haha. all in a day’s job. LOL. i dont really have much to say, just hope that ying’s had a great day, cos it’s not like we get to spend some quality time tgth that often. hahah. HAPPEEE BELATED BIRTHDAY^^

THE FOLLOWING ARE GONNA BE PICS. HAHA. ENJOY~

hhaha, i love myself too much, cant resist the urge to take photos. haha.. snap snap~ continued to snap cos yingying cldnt resist too, hahaha. we’re both infected with the disease. LOL.

@ PIZZA HUT~ yumyum~~ hope that after seeing this u drool. hahahah. PIZZA WAS NICE!

there are more pics. LOL. but i dont want to post them already. cos it’s the same face over and over again. i know you want more of me tho.. XD LOL IM JUST KIDDING HAHAHAHAH.. anyway, ive got tons of homework to do so tata~ be back next time!

must miss me kay? XD

>>angie; 12.04pm; sundayy.

broken.

currently damn pissed with my siblings right now. Zzz.. hate them~ you know, i was actually feeling kinda guilty for treating them so harshly for a few days now, cos i was always appearing ignorant and i never seemed to bother or mix myself around them and stuffs. you could say that i was really completely ignorant as well. i decided to treat them a little nicer today. when they requested going to the play ground to play, i extended their duration half an hour longer- for the first time. and yes they did listen lah, but not after that. see, i watched animation until it was near 8 pm, and then i decided to go and get dinner for them and myself. at the same time i thought that they deserved a treat from me and i decided to buy bubble tea for them =) do you know how rare that is? hahah. it is really rare, especially these days..

anyway, i went to buy the food and i bought the bubble tea. before i went out, i stated clearly that ALL OF THEM SHUD BE BATHED AND READY FOR DINNER BY THEN. GUESS WHAT? THEY FREAKING LIED TO ME. i reach home, and all 3 of them weren’t even halfway thru bathing. CRAPS! i was so freaking pissed. they had close to half an hour to bathe. and i reached home and none were done. nor were they even halfway thru!!!! like what the hell?! why do i keep getting these kind of shit from them? i even took the long route home so as to give more time, and hopefully they could be able to make me happy for once. but no, they just dont appreciate it. wah lao! i totally cant stand it!!!!!!!! wahhhh… WHAT THEY WANT FROM ME?!?! grats, my head’s aching again. =.=” what am i to do?

Dad’s always been working hard, and whenever he is home he most probably takes the time to sleep, because thats like the only time he can sleep. and if he’s angry he will go on and on and make everyone else feel miserable, and perhaps angry too. he’s been forcing himself to teach adrian recently, and i can see that he’s really disappointed and pissed with adrian’s standard. seriously, he is VERY slow, and he doesn’t show interest in studies, which only makes things much worser. so if i complain to dad, he’ll probably freak out and say that i aint good enough and all that. everything will just backfire and i’ll be the one at fault =.=” so complaining to dad is not the solution. what about mum? ohmygod i dont even want to think about it. things that are minor and just need some probing and mini-lectures from her to my sibs to get them moving gets blown out of proportion and it backfires even more. T^T cos mum will go crazy and start nagging FOREVER and sometimes go to the extent of caning them continuously. AND YES THEY DESERVE IT BUT I KNOW THAT IT WILL HAVE A NEGATIVE IMPACT ON THEM LIKE HOW I REMEMBER CLEARLY THOSE DAYS THAT I GET CANED UNTIL MY SKIN TORE APART.. YEAH SO I ALWAYS STEP IN AND STOP THE CANING BY TAKING A FEW HITS MYSELF.. AND MUM WILL START SAYING THAT IF IT WERENT FOR ME NONE OF THIS WLD HAVE HAPPENED. AND THAT I NV THINK OF HER, AND I DONT UNDERSTAND THE FATIGUE SHE GETS FROM WORKING @ THE HAWKER CTR. so mum is not the choice too.

evryone’s too stressed out that they cant afford to sit down and listen to me, and they dont encourage me much too. all they do is put me down whenever i cant carry out my duties as a sister. and keep asserting that i have the responsibility to take care of them due to the fact that they are working. i really dont understand why they cant expand their visions a little further, to THINK OF ME FOR ONCE. this is a crucial year. and it is this year that i realise, my family is broken. nothing holds us together. it is just the status and roles that makes us ONE. other than that, home is nothing but an empty apartment that contains regret, exhaustion and sadness. home is a void place. home is but a place for me to hide from all the heartless people out there; a place for me to forget about all my worries and sorrows when i sleep. i wish there was someone i could talk to. i need one so badly..